i am stuck.

I cannot even express what it is like to get rejected. I just want to be loved and love someone. I am so sick of everyone being the same. They only like me when they don't know the real me... the second they see the real me they are gone. I am so fucked up still, I just hide it perfectly. All I want is to find someone who doesn't run away once they see the real me. I am so lonely still, so damn lonely. I know some people care but not enough to help, to see what is really going on. No one sees how much I hate myself. Behind the mask I wear, I am the same. I just want to be happy but, I can't.

No matter how hard I try I am a mess. And who wants a mess? I am stuck like this. I don't think that I will ever be happy. I am stuck hating myself for ever. I need to respect, love and cherish myself but instead I just am fucked up. I am so fucked up.

And no matter what, I cannot look into the mirror and see anything worth while. I am nothing and I am trapped. I either feel nothing all the time on my meds, or all I feel is sad. There is nothing that anyone can do.


I just want to be happy with everything and instead I am happy with nothing. And no one wants me, why would they?


I really need to be better, at everything. I just want to be normal.


I need to learn how to love myself all over again, I know that too. I know that.