Sunday, May 19, 2013

And then there is him..

You know how there is always that one guy that no matter what you do or how much you try, he seriously never leaves your mind. Well for me, thats Dylan. Ah! Dylan is so perfect. We used to have everything, he told me he cared and he accepted my flaws and my shit. But once he realized what he was getting into (something serious) he pulled the 'i dont want a girlfriend' bull shit. Honestly, I do want to see him happy! I really do, but god damn it, that perfect smile and those eyes.... If I see him with someone else, I think I would be heartbroken. We used to sit and talk for hours on end about everything, about our future, our dreams and our goals.
Nothing anyone else would understand. He understood me. He was the only one I really had feelings for. The only one. And we only talked for about three months, which seems like nothing but I can honestly say that he had my heart. I dont even know how happened! I never get attached, I never really, truly fall for anyone, except him. And still, even though he cut me off almost three months ago, I cant help but think of him. I think of him every, single day. I want to know how he is doing, I want to know if he still thinks about me. I wish I could go back to that night that he held me in his arms, all night and we just kissed and talked. I would give pretty much anything for him to kiss me again. Everything has changed, except the way he looks at me.

He looks at me the same way. Call me crazy but there has to be something resonating there! We had something, and something really strong at that! There is no way in hell he could have just woken up one day and decided that he was done. That is such a load of bull shit.
I had to have done something. He can tell me 'I just dont want a relationship' all he wants but I just dont buy it. I mean if a guy genuinely cares for a girl that much then wont he make it work? Or am I just not worth it?
Honestly, I never feel worth it anymore. I always will struggle with feeling good enough and for that short time that we were in eachothers arms, I was worth it. I was happy. All I want is for him to know that he still is on my mind, everyday. I would do anything for him. I miss him so much. It was only three months, three fucking months! And look at me, he has me. No guy will ever compare to Dylan, he will be that one that every other guy has to live up to. And I know I shouldnt hold him on this throne but to me, he IS perfect! And even when I am with another guy, I am thinking about him. He is the only person I really care for. I just want him to be happy though.

I want all of his dreams to come true and if those have nothing to do with me, so be it. But damn, good luck to all those guys who attempt to live up to him. No one can, no one will.

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