First off, you do. You always leave. I don't know what it is but for some reason, guys run the other direction when they start to really get to know me. And this is ALWAYS the reason:
'You're a great girl and all but.. I'm just not ready for that kind of relationship right now, sorry.'
And they amount of times I have heard that exact thing, would shock you. Honestly, it is ridiculous. And all you're telling me is:
'Sorry, you're not worth giving up anything'
When I hear this, all I really hear is you are not worth it. And after hearing this so many times, I start to believe it. And I know, logically, that this isn't true. But the inner voice comes out and tells me that I'm worthless.
Second, and this one may seem obvious, but its only after they have gotten what they want. That could be help with math or sex, but not once, has any guy ever told me this right away. And why would they? I am after all, somewhat at their disposal. This isn't what I want anymore. This isn't what I deserve.
But because of what happened, I will never be able to be confident enough to take back my dignity from these men. I just have no idea how to. The main reason I even talk to them is to help myself get the missing piece back.
And I don't know what the missing piece is and I don't know what I am even looking for.
What I do know is I will know when I find it.
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